Grieving practicing self care

Hello Again!

It has been a couple of weeks since I last wrote anything on the blog, but sadly on May 18th my Grandma, who I was very close to passed away.  I have needed the past couple of weeks to myself to really grieve her loss and remember all of the wonderful memories I shared with her.  I had the opportunity to speak at her funeral and that was hard, but healing.  During her funeral I also learned more about her that gave me more insight into her life and who she loved being.  One of those things I learned was that prior to becoming a nurse she wanted to be a social worker. I never knew that about my Grandma, but she would have been a wonderful counselor because she had the gift of truly listening to others without passing judgement.  My Grandma also truly helped shape my character, and her example helped me to want to strive to be a better person each day!  I miss her dearly and sometimes it is hard to believe that she has passed on.  However, I recognize and know that I will see her again , but I will have to patient and continue to live the way she practiced and showed me!  Thank you Grandma for helping me to become who I really want to be!

Homeschooling

As some may have heard we pulled Isabella out and we are now homeschooling her! We spend a lot of time at the zoo because Bella wants to be a Vet when she grows up!  The other day the polar bear came right over to the glass and just stared at Isabella!

Black or White You Decide! Finding the Humor!

My son cracks me up a lot!  He is very honest, literal, and a black and white thinker.  The other day someone said that they remembered when he was in 3rd grade and what a cute and funny kiddo he was, and how his comments brought entertainment to them.  They then shared with me a funny memory that happened in that 3rd grade classroom.  They were having a lesson about mammals and the teacher said, "mammals don't lay eggs."  As my son listened to that comment he quickly responded, "You are wrong because duck billed platypus's lay eggs and they are a mammal!"  He then inquired where she got her teaching degree because how could a teacher with an education not know about a duck billed platypus?  

The Silent Killer Part 3 of Self Care

It should be no surprise that having children with special needs is going to bring on some sadness and possibly depression.  When my son was born two months early, I got severe postpartum depression.  This was one of the hardest challenges of my life!  I remember that empty feeling and the guilt and shame I carried because I could not be the mother I wanted to be to this precious new life I created.  However, little did I know, that trial was preparing me and coaching me to be a mother to two children who would have very specific needs.

Those years of that trial taught me so much about myself.  I learned that happiness could still be found among the clouds that hung over me.  I learned that I could be strong and endure very hard and painful things.  I learned that it was okay to cry. I learned to have courage.  I learned God had a plan specifically for me.

I believe that if left untreated depression is a silent killer!  It is so important for all of us to know and understand what depression is and how to help each other.  I know since going through postpartum depression I try to be a good friend and I really watch out for my friends who have children with special needs because I know and understand it is hard, and sometimes all one needs is a good listener.  If you believe that you might have depression please seek help from your doctor or talk to a trusted friend.  There is always hope!

Unplug Self Care Part 2

I'm guilty of not unplugging!  In fact, I find myself frequently checking to see if a member from my children's team texted or emailed because of an incident that may have happened at school that day. I often tell my husband that I feel like a professional firefighter because all I do is put out fires some days!  If I have been putting out fires all day, by night fall I'm totally exhausted, crabby, and crying because my emotional bank account is withdrawn.

Over the years, I have been learning that it is okay if I don't read every email or text as soon as it is in my inbox instead I can choose to read and respond to emails and texts later.  This can be hard for me, but I know I need that boundary so I can keep myself healthy and in return be a better mother for my children.

Marriage and Special Needs Self Care Part 1

I do not profess to be a marriage therapist or to have all the answers because trust me I'm still learning a lot and still have a lot to learn!  However, I do know and understand that having a child or children with special needs can and does put a strain on your marriage.  If you chose to step it up, like what was discussed in the previous post, it really does become tricky keeping your marriage happy and healthy.  The reasons why are because caring for a child with needs takes time, energy, money, and going to several appointments.  For us personally, our son's medication costs over $70.00 per month after insurance.  Our daughter's medical expenses are also expensive, and as a result my husband and I sacrifice couple vacations, bigger and better cars, a bigger home, and other wants and desires.  These sacrifices are hard occasionally, but you learn to become creative with your relationship.  Below are some ideas that we do to keep our relationship alive.

1. Daily check-ins at a specific time of day when it is just you and your husband.

2. Going for a walk together and enjoying nature.

3. Enjoying a quiet dinner together after the kids go to bed.

4. Weekly date nights for at least three hours.

5. Praying together and identifying three blessings we are grateful for and praying for someone who is in need.

6. Going for a drive together.

7. Paying ourselves on pay day and going out and using that money for something fun.

8. Having healthy boundaries with others.

9. Having a healthy physical relationship where you can reconnect with each other.

10. Forgiving each other when someone messes up.

11. Giving each other alone time without kids.

12.  Allowing only 20 minutes per day to talk about concerns and worries.

13. Finding the humor and laughing.

14. Working on chores together.

You Must Be Special!

I hear this above quote frequently during my interactions with others.  Honestly, like the definition reads above God gives these children to everyone!  When you have a child or children with needs that extend beyond the day to day needs,  you reach a crossroads where you decide  if you are going to step it up, remain where you are, or are you going to step it down?  The choice is ours and frankly some days it is not an easy choice!

 Throughout my journey of raising my son and daughter, I have days where I just want to step it down and crawl into a hole!  This usually happens when I have had to consistently discover ways to get my son to complete all of his homework, or when I get calls from the school letting me know that my son is struggling socially and the general education teachers are frustrated!  It also happens when adults and other children don't understand his intentions or how he communicates with others.

 However, my daughter is different because she struggles with an autoimmune disease and frankly she has frequent medical appointments and sometimes does not feel well.  There are days when I just throw up my hands in the air and ask, "Why Me?"  I then recognize that it is time for some self-care which I will discuss in a different post.

Though, this journey can be rough, you are given the opportunity to meet several wonderful people that you otherwise would not have met.  If you are also a lover of learning like myself, you also get the opportunity to read about your child's condition, speak to experts about your child, attend classes, work with your child's team, and get to know and understand the special education laws!  My husband and I often joke that by the time our children become adults we have earned a law degree, a psy. degree, a medical degree, an occupational therapy degree, and an education degree!  If you choose to step it up you then start becoming an expert for your child or children.  I have learned the choice is always mine and God will help you become the parent you need to be!